What I hear over coffee is, “I feel …, I wish …, I want them to …, I know they would like …, and so on and so forth.” As a neutral observer it's clear to me whose needs they are tormenting over. Could it be they fear the example their parents are displaying about aging? Maybe to them it screams social isolation because vitality was once a personal staple for their parents. What they haven't considered is that the desire to socialize lessens not with age but with the onset of health problems. Life gets smaller.

Now, I may not be elderly but I'd venture to say that dealing with a significant disability and a progressive health problem at that, places me on par with the elderly experience. Some people have an early retirement whereas I'm having an early old-age. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my life is small, but I will admit that when I have what I call “bad spells” my life needs to be small. The energy it takes to due mundane things like shower or reach the phone before the message takes over is all consuming. It's at those times that highlights of social outings occur in the waiting room of a doctor's office, which is usually followed by a trek to the pharmacy.

The idea of uprooting and moving to a supportive living situation that could offer opportunities for social outings and just generally have people around might sound like a reasonable next step for an older person who is now widowed or in a rural community, but the energy needed to make the decision and carry it out is enormous. Many seniors at this stage of their life may be parlyzed by the notion that they can't afford to make a mistake. If they don't like a new environment they would be stuck there regardless. There is a great deal of comfort in certainty, therefore staying where it is familiar has greater appeal than undertaking the risk for something better.

With this in mind, if possible, seek ways to introduce familiarity with supportive living facilities. This would be a fist stepping stone. Check the local paper and escort parents to places of interest so they can see what they are missing. Attend arts and craft events, exercise classes, educational interest videos, political meetings, card playing etc. The important thing is to get them in the building. If you think about your own apprehension when selecting a vacation you can relate to their feelings. Why do think so many people return to the same holiday spots; familiarity is comforting.