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Personally, I think about time a lot, for a lot of different reasons. I have this theory called, tick tock. It helps to remind me when I’m frustrated or feeling discouraged what a waste of my time those emotions are, and although it doesn’t spin me to attention it does cause me to pause long enough to stop and take a breath …or two. Or sometimes 24 hours worth of breathes. As a rule I try not to respond to emails or snap back at someone if some information comes my way that ticks me off. The awareness that I’m “ticked” forces me to mentally stop and take the “tock”
When I was young I was terribly unhappy and although my feelings were justified, it nonetheless caused my youth to be excruciatingly long. My yearning to be grown up actually was the crux of my hope. There was comfort in knowing I could grow into a life where time would be my own. Decisions for my wellbeing, my safety, my happiness would be valued. For the most part, with God’s grace I grew toward this light, like a well positioned plant.
Oh course like most people my age (50odd) I now yearn to be younger but not in a melancholy way for my particular youth. Living with a progressive disease was not the cause of my youthful unhappiness, nor is it now, although many could assume otherwise. My disease, or rather the disease that I have, is like a window that I’ve learned to look through. There are many cracks and near splitting seams that spread as time passes, and if I stood back and looked through my life window as a whole, I might be disappointed with this marred vision. Fortunately, I choose to step forward and focus on the slivers of clarity that lay between the cracks.
It’s these small slivers of perspicuity that I relish everyday. Over the years I have had many a medical “specialist” due to the mystery and nature of the disease that shrouds me. I asked such a doctor not so long ago, “Considering my medical history, what might be the duration of my life span?” The candor of his reply was not unkind but it was direct; “in my opinion” he said, “you have already had it” Needless to say, the phrase everyday is a bonus, took on a new meaning.
Getting back to the business of time however, I find recovering from the many on going setbacks I endure, enduring. It has been at least three years since I could do the simple task of putting on my own shoes. Recently I discovered, what my good friend Wanda named, “the sock dude”, a gadget that enables me to put on socks. Once I conquered this feat (pun intended) I shifted my focus to my shoes. Initially it was a 27 minute process. Now, a mere three weeks into my challenge, I have it down to 16 minutes.
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Some might ask, “Why waste your time on this when help is willing to assist?”
This is an interesting question; one that has helped me to discover my personal definition of success. Maybe I will never know what it feels like to be the CEO of a billion dollar business, or the author of a best seller, but I do know what it takes to beat the odds. I do know how to focus in order to achieve a goal, to work when others would fold. My accomplishments are small by comparison but my feeling of success today finds me standing tall.